Peckish. Isn’t that a great word?. It even sounds like it means: cranky. It describes my mood over the past few days. This combined with feeling like Cinderella while living in the frozen tundra. There are several things that don’t sit well with me and frigid, arctic weather for any extended period of time is one of them. It has been well below freezing for a week and it makes me peckish.
As for the Cinderella syndrome….well that comes from planning the meals, pouring over ads for the best bargains, making the menu, composing the list, pulling out the coupons, pushing a cart up and down the aisle, hunting down the grocery items, standing in line, bagging the groceries, loading bags into the car trunk, driving home, unloading the groceries and finally cooking the meal. Only to discover that Mom doesn’t feel like eating and Dad refuses to eat the chili I just made. And let’s not forget how much I do not like to cook. My disdain for cooking is not a recent phenomenon. I never liked cooking. Now, however, it is one of my responsibilities. God has a very twisted sense of humor. We will talk about this in the afterlife.
I want to scream and stomp my feet like a 2 year old. In other words, I feel like Cinderella. Cue the small violins playing in the background of my self-indulgent pity-party extravaganza.
The next day I prayed in church for patience, guidance and more patience. God sent me a message in the guise of humor.
After church I went to the department store to return a few items. I took my time meandering down the aisles, enjoying the solitude and quiet in my head. Looking at a bin of gadgets, I spotted a sweater “shaver”. It is one of those gadgets that de-fuzzes the puffy pills that form on sweaters. I have a few sweaters that have pills and picked up the shaver.
As I was unloading my purchases, I showed the de-fuzzer to Mom. I remember her having one a number of years ago. She did not remember, at first. I said, “It shaves the fuzz off”. “Oh, you are going to use it in the shower on your legs.” Ahhhh, not exactly. I laughed and said, “No this is for the little fuzz balls on sweaters.”. Mom chuckled, “That’s right.”
For me, a little humor like the exchange above goes a long way in smoothing out the tired lines creeping across my heart. It helps me to put things in perspective and laugh at life.
There will be more days like the recent ones, where I feel overwhelmed and under loved. But that is a part of this life I now lead. And if I really pause to reflect on this, there are many people who have similar moments. Life is messy.
The saving grace is that God is in and amongst my messes, sending love…and humor my way.
Peace,
JaneEllen
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Packing It In
The holidays have come and gone. Mom and Dad went to Patty’s house, in New Orleans, aka N’awlins. The packing the night before was an ongoing process. I love my parents, but just wanted to scream, “Just let me do this and it will be done in 30 minutes!”. Since that was not an option, I did my best to keep sane.
Mom had no idea what to pack. When I took a breather, I was able to step back and walk in her shoes. How frustrating it must be to not be able to do the simplest of tasks. Deciding what to wear the next day is insurmountable for her. Luckily, Mom is open to suggestions. Although she packed more dresses than needed, we were able to get everything in the suitcase.
Next, was Dad. Of course he thought he was packed. As I looked through the suitcase, I realized that he was not nearly done. He packed a suit jacket that needed dry cleaning. With his poor eyesight, he can’t see the spots of dirt on his jacket. Back to the closet, sorting out his clothes, Mom and I pack him up. Finally, after three hours, and a lot of muttering to myself , we were set.
The plan was to get up at 6:30am, so we would be heading to airport by 8:15am. Well, even this does not go smoothly. I awaken in the middle of the night to the muffled sounds of Mom and Dad talking and moving about in their room. Shit! I must have overslept! I grab my cell phone and check the time. It is 4:40am! I stride down the hall wondering what the hell they are doing up at this hour. Not only were they awake, but dressed and ready to head downstairs. I glance at their alarm clock and it reads 7:42am. My guess is that they had fiddled with the time while setting the alarm clock.
I announce the correct time ending with a stern, “I am going to bed and you should too.” Dad just looks up and says, “Well now that I am up, I am hungry and eating breakfast, first.” Whatever, is all I can think as I crawl back into bed. I naively think they will eat and then take a nap for a couple of hours.
Next thing I hear is Dad in Adrienne’s room. He walked in, flipped on the light and was looking in her closet for his black sports coat. Not finding it there, he tells her that it must be in Em’s closet. Saving Emily from the same abrupt nocturnal inspection, Adrienne tells him that it is most definitely not in her closet. Again, I get up and tell Dad that we packed another suit for him. I go back to bed, thinking that silence will ensue. Ha! Not likely with these two.
Dad is on a mission to find his black sports coat. I hear the chair lift beeping down the steps. I listened as he opens the front door and goes out to the car. I guess he is looking in the car for the coat. I worry that he will slip on the black ice, so I lay awake to make sure he isn’t out there too long. Dad comes back in and chair lifts himself up to his room. This scenario repeats itself, one more time. The chair lift beeps every few seconds whenever it is in motion. Beep-Beep-Beep up and Beep-Beep-Beep down. I hate that beeping sound!
After an hour of commotion, silence descends upon the house. Silence truly is golden!
Thankfully, the ride to the airport was uneventful.
Are there any lessons in all this chaos???? Probably not. What I have learned is despite my best laid plans, Mom and Dad will do whatever they want, totally disregarding my plans. It is frustrating. At the same time it is their life and not mine. I have to respect them and their wishes. As always, the word patience comes to mind. I was definitely in the low end of the “patience” gene pool. Oh well…there is always the next trip preparations to test me. That is in February. It gives me time to regroup.
Peace,
JaneEllen
Mom had no idea what to pack. When I took a breather, I was able to step back and walk in her shoes. How frustrating it must be to not be able to do the simplest of tasks. Deciding what to wear the next day is insurmountable for her. Luckily, Mom is open to suggestions. Although she packed more dresses than needed, we were able to get everything in the suitcase.
Next, was Dad. Of course he thought he was packed. As I looked through the suitcase, I realized that he was not nearly done. He packed a suit jacket that needed dry cleaning. With his poor eyesight, he can’t see the spots of dirt on his jacket. Back to the closet, sorting out his clothes, Mom and I pack him up. Finally, after three hours, and a lot of muttering to myself , we were set.
The plan was to get up at 6:30am, so we would be heading to airport by 8:15am. Well, even this does not go smoothly. I awaken in the middle of the night to the muffled sounds of Mom and Dad talking and moving about in their room. Shit! I must have overslept! I grab my cell phone and check the time. It is 4:40am! I stride down the hall wondering what the hell they are doing up at this hour. Not only were they awake, but dressed and ready to head downstairs. I glance at their alarm clock and it reads 7:42am. My guess is that they had fiddled with the time while setting the alarm clock.
I announce the correct time ending with a stern, “I am going to bed and you should too.” Dad just looks up and says, “Well now that I am up, I am hungry and eating breakfast, first.” Whatever, is all I can think as I crawl back into bed. I naively think they will eat and then take a nap for a couple of hours.
Next thing I hear is Dad in Adrienne’s room. He walked in, flipped on the light and was looking in her closet for his black sports coat. Not finding it there, he tells her that it must be in Em’s closet. Saving Emily from the same abrupt nocturnal inspection, Adrienne tells him that it is most definitely not in her closet. Again, I get up and tell Dad that we packed another suit for him. I go back to bed, thinking that silence will ensue. Ha! Not likely with these two.
Dad is on a mission to find his black sports coat. I hear the chair lift beeping down the steps. I listened as he opens the front door and goes out to the car. I guess he is looking in the car for the coat. I worry that he will slip on the black ice, so I lay awake to make sure he isn’t out there too long. Dad comes back in and chair lifts himself up to his room. This scenario repeats itself, one more time. The chair lift beeps every few seconds whenever it is in motion. Beep-Beep-Beep up and Beep-Beep-Beep down. I hate that beeping sound!
After an hour of commotion, silence descends upon the house. Silence truly is golden!
Thankfully, the ride to the airport was uneventful.
Are there any lessons in all this chaos???? Probably not. What I have learned is despite my best laid plans, Mom and Dad will do whatever they want, totally disregarding my plans. It is frustrating. At the same time it is their life and not mine. I have to respect them and their wishes. As always, the word patience comes to mind. I was definitely in the low end of the “patience” gene pool. Oh well…there is always the next trip preparations to test me. That is in February. It gives me time to regroup.
Peace,
JaneEllen
Resolution.....
It is the new year, filled with hope and promise. At least this is my optimistic self’s wish. I have neglected my blogging obligations for too long. The decline started with Dad’s first heart attack and continued from there.
I am not one for resolutions, because I can never seem to keep any of them. My life is full of deadlines, duties, schedules and organization that I let the non-essential items fall by the wayside. What I fail to do is to remind myself that blogging is a cathartic experience for me. It allows me to drain the well of emotions that clog my heart. It clears a path for me to see that indeed there is a road in front of me and that life is a never ending journey.
With this in mind, I will try my best to blog each week. In addition to the cleansing benefit of writing, I really want an account of living with Mom. Knowing full well that as time passes, so do the daily details of life. It is in the details that give life to a story, allowing it to breathe. Inhaling the aroma of our lives gives us meaning and purpose. It connects us to one another, forming a community of travelers. While each of us has our own journey to follow, our paths intersect over and over. I know I am not alone. And perhaps that is the greatest benefit of blogging.
Peace,
JaneEllen
I am not one for resolutions, because I can never seem to keep any of them. My life is full of deadlines, duties, schedules and organization that I let the non-essential items fall by the wayside. What I fail to do is to remind myself that blogging is a cathartic experience for me. It allows me to drain the well of emotions that clog my heart. It clears a path for me to see that indeed there is a road in front of me and that life is a never ending journey.
With this in mind, I will try my best to blog each week. In addition to the cleansing benefit of writing, I really want an account of living with Mom. Knowing full well that as time passes, so do the daily details of life. It is in the details that give life to a story, allowing it to breathe. Inhaling the aroma of our lives gives us meaning and purpose. It connects us to one another, forming a community of travelers. While each of us has our own journey to follow, our paths intersect over and over. I know I am not alone. And perhaps that is the greatest benefit of blogging.
Peace,
JaneEllen
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