Survival Tip # 435: Don’t Nuke the Watch

My second, and by far most fun, job I had as a high school student was working behind the concession stand at a local theater. This was back in the day when the theaters were huge and a small bag of buttered popcorn set you back 50 cents. At this theater, we served coffee for the patrons as they waited in the lobby for the theater to open. There were always two showings on Saturday and Sunday. This resulted in me emptying the 30 cup urn, full of steaming coffee, into the sink, four times in two days. By Sunday evening my watch would be fogged up with condensation from the steam. Dad suggested that I place the watch on a bare light bulb to evaporate the condensation. Amazingly, this method worked like a charm. It became my Sunday night ritual for as long as I worked at the theater.

Flash forward to the present…..
When on their annual trek to “the islands” Dad reported that he went swimming the last day with his watch in the pocket of his bathing suit. Luckily, he was swimming in a pool and not the ocean. The salt/sand free water should evaporate, over time.

After waiting several months for the drying out period to end, Dad lost his patience. I did not see the watch, but according to him, there was still condensation built up under the crystal. In his infinite wisdom and quirky way of doing things, Dad put the watch in the microwave, to speed up the drying process. I found out about this plan of action, post-zapping.

Dad confesses that his plan didn’t work. I ask him why he just didn’t put the watch on top of a light bulb. He shrugs his shoulders and says he just didn’t think of it. Poor Dad; he loved that watch. Apparently, he never had to wind it because it had a kinetic sensor that “wound” it every time he moved his wrist.

Dad brought the watch to his favorite jewelry store, in hopes of getting it repaired. This is pure wishful thinking. I don’t know how the jeweler kept a straight face as he handed the watch back to Dad, telling him it was a lost cause.

A couple of weeks later I found the watch, sans its band. It was in an envelope, sitting in the car. It looked so sad and dejected. The melting action of the microwave bent the crystal, lifting it off the face. It was clouded over, etched with a zillion micro-scratches due to flying nano-particles. The back had not fared any better. In fact the back was off completely, exposing the once-upon-on-time working mechanism. It was really pathetic. It was no match for the power of the nuke. Taps were played at dawn.

Peace,

JaneEllen

What the Hell Is That Smell?!?!

The other day I used my folks’ car to carry me away to Barnes & Noble for some peace and quiet. This is one of my favorite respite places. An hour or two of scanning books, reading and sipping hot chocolate steadies me to face another week.

I jump in the car; close the door and am immediately assaulted with an odor most foul. Man! What the hell died in here?!?! I look down at Mom’s little car trash bag thinking a rotten apple core must be stinkin’ up the joint. Well, I figure, I’ll just toss it when I get back home.

With the windows rolled all the way down, I cruise on down the road to B&N. After ninety minutes, or so, I am back in the car. Scrunching up my nose, I quickly push the down window button. I think the smell is getting worse. It is growing legs and running all over the car. I am almost positive I see green toxic gas escaping from the ventilation system.

Off to the grocery store to pick a few items for the upcoming week. Forgetting all about the offensive odor, I wheel the food cart back to the car and pop open the trunk. A mushroom cloud of funkalicious foulness almost knocks me to the ground. Aha! The source of stink is discovered!

Mom and Dad forgot to bring the groceries in from a previous food shopping trip. Don’t ask me how long the food was in the trunk. I didn’t take the time to carbon date any of the specimens. I did spy a plastic container of former strawberries, now posing as a pile of fuzzy grey pebbles. Quickly stashing the newly acquired fresh food, I rush home – windows open, naturally.

In addition to the strawberries, a carton of eggs and liquefied asparagus are in the trunk. Throwing out these items, along with a spritz or two of air freshener eliminates the odor – thank goodness! Luckily, most of the food is nonperishable, and won’t go to waste.

Peace,

JaneEllen