Mom’s depression has not improved. She perks up intermittently, but it is a small spurt followed by long intervals of depression. After writing the last blog, I looked up depression on the Alzheimer’s web site.
To be considered clinically depressed, the individual must have at least 2 of the symptoms listed. Mom has at least 3 of the symptoms. There is a list of antidepressants that are effective for Alzheimer’s patients. Mom’s antidepressant is not listed. Hmmm….could be why she isn’t improving.
You may remember that Mom calls her neurologist the “Witch Doctor”, because he was the first doctor that told her not to drive. And he limited her alcohol consumption to one glass of wine per day. Well she isn’t driving and now the alcohol limit is down to none. Yet, he is still the Witch Doctor.
I called his office and left a message describing Mom’s condition and her current, ineffective, medication. The nurse called back and stated that it is very important for her to be seen. So we are off to the Witch Doctor on Tuesday morning.
Dad told Mom that she needed to see Dr. C, she asked which doctor he was. Dad pointed to his head and said the “head doctor”. She just nodded and said “Oh”.
It will be interesting to see if Mom remembers who he is, once she sees him.
Should be fun…
Peace,
JaneEllen
Friday, May 29, 2009
Mom Is Depressed
It has been a tough couple of weeks. The upside is that Mom did not suffer any brain trauma, i.e. stroke, TIA or infarct. The downside is that the dizziness continues to plague her on an intermittent basis. But that is not the worse of it.
Mom is depressed. That is the short and simple version. The lengthier text is full of episodes where she doesn’t want to get out of bed, stating that she is tired. Mom doesn’t want to get dress, because in her words, “I’m just going back to bed and going to wrinkle my clothes”. The episodes stretch from morning till night, linking together to form the word d_e_p_r_e_s_s_i_o_n. The links encircle her world, making it difficult for any of us to enter her life.
It is hardest, by far on Dad. At times he completely denies she has Alzheimer’s – “But the doctor never said she has it” he states unconvincingly with apprehension written across his face. I reply as softly as I can because this dialog is a rerun performance that is aired once every six weeks. “You know Dad, Mom is on two meds prescribed and approved specifically for the treatment of Alzheimer’s. Just because the doctor doesn’t say the ‘A’ word, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have it. You take Advandia for diabetes and have it, even if the doctor never told you that you have diabetes. It is the same with Mom. He is treating her for Alzheimer’s, regardless of whether he has said it.” His heart is drained and he quickly changes the subject.
Now depression is on board and we go through a similar conversation. Again, my impatient/imperfect self is snippy. But I quickly take a step back and try to walk with him as he watches his life partner fade in front of him. This totally sucks.
Have you ever seen the commercial for Aricept, where the daughter talks about her mother being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Then her mother is on Aricept and the world is a little brighter. I want to scream at that commercial. Madison Avenue has made Alzheimer’s into this passive world of resignation where a little dose of the advertise med and all is on even keel. Not even close!
Back to the discussion at hand – depression. This past Monday, Mom said she was tired of feeling this way and was going to get out of bed earlier the next day and stay up. I know she meant that with all her heart in that moment. For when Tuesday dawned, Mom stayed in bed till her usual 11am. I traveled on Wednesday, so it was no different for Mom. On Thursday, as I was walking out of the bathroom, having just showered, Mom was back up stairs. I asked her if she was going to get dressed. No with the wrinkle clothes excuse. I decided to confront her with my concerns, thouogh confront is much harsher than what I said. Softly touching her shoulder, I told her I thought she was depressed and that maybe….getting dressed would help her feel better. She said, “Maybe after my nap”. Not letting up, I replied, “Good. Then you and Dad can play Yahtzee, later on.” “We’ll see” was her reply as she turned to go back to bed.
This saga continues for several blogs…..
Peace,
JaneEllen
Mom is depressed. That is the short and simple version. The lengthier text is full of episodes where she doesn’t want to get out of bed, stating that she is tired. Mom doesn’t want to get dress, because in her words, “I’m just going back to bed and going to wrinkle my clothes”. The episodes stretch from morning till night, linking together to form the word d_e_p_r_e_s_s_i_o_n. The links encircle her world, making it difficult for any of us to enter her life.
It is hardest, by far on Dad. At times he completely denies she has Alzheimer’s – “But the doctor never said she has it” he states unconvincingly with apprehension written across his face. I reply as softly as I can because this dialog is a rerun performance that is aired once every six weeks. “You know Dad, Mom is on two meds prescribed and approved specifically for the treatment of Alzheimer’s. Just because the doctor doesn’t say the ‘A’ word, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have it. You take Advandia for diabetes and have it, even if the doctor never told you that you have diabetes. It is the same with Mom. He is treating her for Alzheimer’s, regardless of whether he has said it.” His heart is drained and he quickly changes the subject.
Now depression is on board and we go through a similar conversation. Again, my impatient/imperfect self is snippy. But I quickly take a step back and try to walk with him as he watches his life partner fade in front of him. This totally sucks.
Have you ever seen the commercial for Aricept, where the daughter talks about her mother being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Then her mother is on Aricept and the world is a little brighter. I want to scream at that commercial. Madison Avenue has made Alzheimer’s into this passive world of resignation where a little dose of the advertise med and all is on even keel. Not even close!
Back to the discussion at hand – depression. This past Monday, Mom said she was tired of feeling this way and was going to get out of bed earlier the next day and stay up. I know she meant that with all her heart in that moment. For when Tuesday dawned, Mom stayed in bed till her usual 11am. I traveled on Wednesday, so it was no different for Mom. On Thursday, as I was walking out of the bathroom, having just showered, Mom was back up stairs. I asked her if she was going to get dressed. No with the wrinkle clothes excuse. I decided to confront her with my concerns, thouogh confront is much harsher than what I said. Softly touching her shoulder, I told her I thought she was depressed and that maybe….getting dressed would help her feel better. She said, “Maybe after my nap”. Not letting up, I replied, “Good. Then you and Dad can play Yahtzee, later on.” “We’ll see” was her reply as she turned to go back to bed.
This saga continues for several blogs…..
Peace,
JaneEllen
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
You Never Know About Tomorrow….
You never know what tomorrow will bring. Maybe that is one of life’s lessons that I repeatedly learn living with Mom. Some days she is better and other days she is more foggy. The past couple of days have been worrisome, to say the least.
Last Friday I heard a very loud thump-thump coming from the front hall. Rushing upstairs from the basement we found Mom sitting on the floor. She said that she had been bending over to get her purse out of the closet, felt dizzy and fell backwards. She didn’t want to move at first, reporting that she had hit her head on the steps, scraped her arm and hurt hip. I made sure she could move everything before helping her to her feet. Other than being shook up a little, she seemed fine. That was Friday.
Throughout the weekend she became dizzy and didn’t want to get out of bed. She ate, albeit less than usual, but was not nauseous. The exception was when she would try to sit up, would become dizzy and then woozy after that. Consulting Betty, we both concluded that the dizziness could be from her sinuses, labrynthitis, which she had a couple of years ago, or just from laying down so much. Whatever the reason I, called the doc on Monday for an appointment.
I was off on a business trip Monday afternoon, so Mike and Allison, along with Dad took Mom to the doc. She was sick prior to leaving for the docs. The doc was concerned that she may be dehydrated, ordered a CT scan and off to the hospital they went.
It is now Tuesday evening and she is still there. Thankfully all of the tests, including an MRI of her head, have come back negative. The Dizziness is starting to abate, but still there to some degree. Her appetite is not that great, according to Betty. Then again, hospital food isn’t exactly fine cuisine.
What now???? After ruling out blocked carotids, infections, strokes and a myriad of other causes, Diagnosis B is the only possibility. Anyone who has dealt with this type of illness knows that TIA, Transient Ischemic Attack, is the fallback diagnosis.
As I stated earlier, none of us know what tomorrow will bring. Hopefully, Mom will be discharged tomorrow. I can’t imagine why not. I will be back home in the late afternoon, so I can help her at home. I have to believe that the household routine and familiarity will invaluable healing powers.
As for if or when the next TIA happens, well only God knows. I wonder if this is part of Alzheimer’s or some new twist. I don’t know. The weird thing is that I am not freaking out about the not knowing.. Surprisingly, I have not thought of a dozen contingency plans for all the “what ifs” that may happen.
Maybe I am just too tired to think past tomorrow. Between my own girls, my work (which has ramped up my travel and extra pressure) and caring for my parents, I can only focus on the here and now.
I am hoping that my prayers to God during my long drive on Monday, gave me the peace of mind I need to face all the tomorrows that lie ahead. I prayed that the Holy Spirit be with Mom so she would not be confused in the hospital. I asked God to guide the docs, giving them wisdom and patience. And I asked Him to walk with all of us, giving each of us whatever we need. I prayed for him to help Mom, knowing that whatever His will is, He will be with us, and me, through everything.
I don’t know what will happen. What I did learn is that my convictions about the power of prayer have grown stronger. Prayer sustains me. Prayer gives me peace. Prayer gives me strength. Prayer comforts me. Prayer allows be to live in the presence. Prayer lets me question everything without fear. Through prayer, I have a deep seated knowledge that I will not be alone. For it is not prayer that does all this, it is God that sustains me, guides me, gives me peace and grants me grace while loving me.
Peace,
JaneEllen
Last Friday I heard a very loud thump-thump coming from the front hall. Rushing upstairs from the basement we found Mom sitting on the floor. She said that she had been bending over to get her purse out of the closet, felt dizzy and fell backwards. She didn’t want to move at first, reporting that she had hit her head on the steps, scraped her arm and hurt hip. I made sure she could move everything before helping her to her feet. Other than being shook up a little, she seemed fine. That was Friday.
Throughout the weekend she became dizzy and didn’t want to get out of bed. She ate, albeit less than usual, but was not nauseous. The exception was when she would try to sit up, would become dizzy and then woozy after that. Consulting Betty, we both concluded that the dizziness could be from her sinuses, labrynthitis, which she had a couple of years ago, or just from laying down so much. Whatever the reason I, called the doc on Monday for an appointment.
I was off on a business trip Monday afternoon, so Mike and Allison, along with Dad took Mom to the doc. She was sick prior to leaving for the docs. The doc was concerned that she may be dehydrated, ordered a CT scan and off to the hospital they went.
It is now Tuesday evening and she is still there. Thankfully all of the tests, including an MRI of her head, have come back negative. The Dizziness is starting to abate, but still there to some degree. Her appetite is not that great, according to Betty. Then again, hospital food isn’t exactly fine cuisine.
What now???? After ruling out blocked carotids, infections, strokes and a myriad of other causes, Diagnosis B is the only possibility. Anyone who has dealt with this type of illness knows that TIA, Transient Ischemic Attack, is the fallback diagnosis.
As I stated earlier, none of us know what tomorrow will bring. Hopefully, Mom will be discharged tomorrow. I can’t imagine why not. I will be back home in the late afternoon, so I can help her at home. I have to believe that the household routine and familiarity will invaluable healing powers.
As for if or when the next TIA happens, well only God knows. I wonder if this is part of Alzheimer’s or some new twist. I don’t know. The weird thing is that I am not freaking out about the not knowing.. Surprisingly, I have not thought of a dozen contingency plans for all the “what ifs” that may happen.
Maybe I am just too tired to think past tomorrow. Between my own girls, my work (which has ramped up my travel and extra pressure) and caring for my parents, I can only focus on the here and now.
I am hoping that my prayers to God during my long drive on Monday, gave me the peace of mind I need to face all the tomorrows that lie ahead. I prayed that the Holy Spirit be with Mom so she would not be confused in the hospital. I asked God to guide the docs, giving them wisdom and patience. And I asked Him to walk with all of us, giving each of us whatever we need. I prayed for him to help Mom, knowing that whatever His will is, He will be with us, and me, through everything.
I don’t know what will happen. What I did learn is that my convictions about the power of prayer have grown stronger. Prayer sustains me. Prayer gives me peace. Prayer gives me strength. Prayer comforts me. Prayer allows be to live in the presence. Prayer lets me question everything without fear. Through prayer, I have a deep seated knowledge that I will not be alone. For it is not prayer that does all this, it is God that sustains me, guides me, gives me peace and grants me grace while loving me.
Peace,
JaneEllen
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