Mom Is Depressed

It has been a tough couple of weeks. The upside is that Mom did not suffer any brain trauma, i.e. stroke, TIA or infarct. The downside is that the dizziness continues to plague her on an intermittent basis. But that is not the worse of it.

Mom is depressed. That is the short and simple version. The lengthier text is full of episodes where she doesn’t want to get out of bed, stating that she is tired. Mom doesn’t want to get dress, because in her words, “I’m just going back to bed and going to wrinkle my clothes”. The episodes stretch from morning till night, linking together to form the word d_e_p_r_e_s_s_i_o_n. The links encircle her world, making it difficult for any of us to enter her life.

It is hardest, by far on Dad. At times he completely denies she has Alzheimer’s – “But the doctor never said she has it” he states unconvincingly with apprehension written across his face. I reply as softly as I can because this dialog is a rerun performance that is aired once every six weeks. “You know Dad, Mom is on two meds prescribed and approved specifically for the treatment of Alzheimer’s. Just because the doctor doesn’t say the ‘A’ word, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have it. You take Advandia for diabetes and have it, even if the doctor never told you that you have diabetes. It is the same with Mom. He is treating her for Alzheimer’s, regardless of whether he has said it.” His heart is drained and he quickly changes the subject.

Now depression is on board and we go through a similar conversation. Again, my impatient/imperfect self is snippy. But I quickly take a step back and try to walk with him as he watches his life partner fade in front of him. This totally sucks.

Have you ever seen the commercial for Aricept, where the daughter talks about her mother being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Then her mother is on Aricept and the world is a little brighter. I want to scream at that commercial. Madison Avenue has made Alzheimer’s into this passive world of resignation where a little dose of the advertise med and all is on even keel. Not even close!

Back to the discussion at hand – depression. This past Monday, Mom said she was tired of feeling this way and was going to get out of bed earlier the next day and stay up. I know she meant that with all her heart in that moment. For when Tuesday dawned, Mom stayed in bed till her usual 11am. I traveled on Wednesday, so it was no different for Mom. On Thursday, as I was walking out of the bathroom, having just showered, Mom was back up stairs. I asked her if she was going to get dressed. No with the wrinkle clothes excuse. I decided to confront her with my concerns, thouogh confront is much harsher than what I said. Softly touching her shoulder, I told her I thought she was depressed and that maybe….getting dressed would help her feel better. She said, “Maybe after my nap”. Not letting up, I replied, “Good. Then you and Dad can play Yahtzee, later on.” “We’ll see” was her reply as she turned to go back to bed.

This saga continues for several blogs…..

Peace,

JaneEllen